Back the F Off
I can’t remember the last time I blogged - been way too long! Today, however, I’m going to take time out from my day job to write about a very very very serious epidemic plaguing Meeshie’s World - PERSONAL SPACE.
Not sure what’s been going on lately, but personal space seems to be getting smaller and smaller all around me. The WORST place this occurs is in Starbucks.
All of us know how LONG the lines get around 8am in Starbucks around the nation. Guys walking in with hairs still out of place. Ladies still applying another coat of mascara - hey at least they’re not doing it in the car (that’s a whole other blog). Each of us lining up one after another to get a cup of morning crack.
I love the Starbucks that I go because they know my name and know exactly what my drink order is and it’s ready before I get to the register to pay…now that’s service! So the other morning, I’m standing in line…I was late (UGH) so the line was out the door (Starbucks should really consider a VIP line…HAHAHA). Any hoot, I’m doing the right thing by making sure to give the patron in front of me their personal space. When I’m in line, I try to give the person in front of me enough room so if they were to quickly turn around I would not be staring them in the face while our noses are touching. However, the person behind me is literally climbing on my back. I can feel their stanky “I haven’t eaten anything and my stomach is empty” breath on the back of my neck. Seriously??? As the line inches forward, I stay put and of course, as expected, the idiot behind me just about runs into my ponytail.
Now, I usually wear my hair in a ponytail to work everyday. Mostly because it’s the easiest hair-do in the mornings as I’m trying to get ready quickly. Work is not a fashion show and I’m trying my hardest to look plainly professional. (HAHA, stop laughing Peeps…hey, I’m trying at least) Getting ready fast allows me to spend some quality “mommy and me” time with Maddox before work. Yes, tangent (damn A-D-D).
Back to the story…I’m thinking to myself, “ok dude, you’re asking for it, c’mon…get just a little bit closer…just a little bit more…” I swiftly turn my head to the left like I’m interested in purchasing a stainless steel coffee canister (that looks like a dildo) for $19.99 so that my lovely ponytail smacks them in the face. AHHHHHHHH…SATISFACTION! Back the F off or my I will strike you down with my deadly ponytail!
Recently, this lack of personal space followed me to VONS. I loooooove shopping at Vons, Target, and Walmart. I go to one of them at least every other day. It’s actually becoming an addiction that Kim pointed out to me last weekend. If anyone knows a help group for this type of problem, please send me info.
So, I’m in line strategically placing my items on the conveyer belt. All heavy items first, followed by boxed items, cold items, then breads and chips (since they go on top of the heavy items in the cart). I just like to help the baggers out… (is that even the PC word to call ‘em???)
Once all my items have exited my cart, I push it forward to the bagger then proceed to the pin pad to enter my secret decoder frequent stalker shopper saver number, and then pay. Now, here’s where my personal space was invaded…Cart is still in a position where I cannot move from the pin pad because the bagger has not finished placing all the items in the cart. The person behind me literally bumps me forward in order to enter their secret decoder frequent (not stalker cuz I’m sure they do their shopping only once a week) shopper saver number. I hold my ground, flick my head right and let my deadly ponytail whack them in the face….AHHHHHHHH…SATISFACTION once again! Back the F off! GEEEEEZ! Give a Hooka some room to breath for Pete’s sake!
Sometimes I wish that places like Starbucks and Vons would put down those feet prints on their floors (like we had in Kindergarten) so show where each person should stand in line - with ample space between each set…wishful thinking, I know.
I think the next time I’m in those places, I’m going to stand with both my hands on my hip and twist back in forth while I’m waiting in line. This way it’ll create a nice circle of personal space…I’ll let you all know how that works out for me. LOL!!!
