Relationships come with Risk
There are all sorts of “Relationships” - famiily, friends, significant other, co-workers, and even with your pets. You even have a “relationship” (although a negative one) with that biatch you can’t stand or that guy you think is a total douche bag.
As me and three other friends sat around a bar table toasting to our friendship, we pondered out loud about how to cope and move on from a relationship. I’ve always found the dynamics between two lovers fascinating. There are four stages to a lover’s relationship.
The first stage I call “BLISS”. You have that first date, first kiss, first “time”. Then it’s sexting, butterflies, and fondling. You can’t wait to see the other person and you want to spend all your free time with them.
The second stage is “CONTENT”. It’s been about six moths to a year. You spend just about every night together - if you haven’t already moved in. Laundry is a medley of underwear and socks. One cooks the other does the dishes. You pee with the door open while talking about how your day went. Things are good.
The third stage I call “DOUBLE DOWN”. Your relationship comes to a fork in the road. Do you take the blue pill and head right or do you take the red pill and head left? Now it’s been over a year going on two. Well, that all depends on the two of you and what each of your “perception” of the relationship is…Do you still have butterflies? Do you still fondle? Does it bother you that your he leaves the toilet seat up? Does it bother you that she complains you don’t help around the house? If the answer is NO, take blue pill and go right. This path leads to engagement and marriage. But journey with caution because in this day in age, there are no guarantees that this path will lead to everlasting bliss.
If you’re still standing at the fork…the it’s obvious that there are things that bother you about the other person. That you are re-thinking if you two should be together or you actually have one foot out the door. Take red pill, go left. This path will ultimately lead to a break-up. And so, how you move on depends on how you “handle” the departure.
Finally, stage four - “LIFE”. Now, I didn’t tell you this, but both paths eventually lead back to one road. That road is called “Life”. Dating is a process of trial and error people! If a relationship doesn’t work out it’s because it wasn’t a right fit for whatever reason. Move on, pick someone new and try again. Learn from your past relationships taking what revelations you’ve had and apply them to your next one. What if you took that blue pill and it ended up feeling like you really swallowed the red one? Well, then it’s a bit more complicated. Funny how a little piece of paper with some black ink on it can alter one’s perception and expectations of their sig.other. Well, it’s hard when a marriage is not working out and I believe that it’s important to exhaust all avenues to try to reconcile. But, it’s important to know when to throw in the towel. You are still on that road called “life”. It doesn’t end…but is endless…it keeps going whether or not you decide to walk down it.
(Maybe this is why I’m terrified of getting married…LOL…I endorse the “Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel” style of relationships. But that’s just me…and it’s a reflection of my childhood and my view on what makes a successful “family”.)
I hope that each of you that is reading this finds your “perfect fit”. Each relationship, whether with friends, family, or lover will make you happy, make you sad, and more than sometimes disappoint you. But as Sinatra sings…”That’s Life!”. How you handle your relationships is the true test - not the relationship itself. You are never going to always get along or agree on which Victoria Secret model is the hottest (c’mon ladies…we all have our favorite one and so do the guys). You will learn what you like or don’t like in a person. You will also learn a great deal about yourself because the other person will surely let you know what they like and don’t like about you too!
But it’s how you learn to live with each other’s weird habits or character flaws that will determine how long you walk down the road of “Life” together.
I am still “learning” how to be a better significant other. I’m feisty, bossy, and like to do things my way. My hectic, over-organized, high-expectations, trying to do a billion things while holding Maddox standing on one foot, “if you don’t have a meeting request on my iPhone” calendar life can make me a bit hard to handle. Maybe that’s why most of my relationships only lasted barely a year or two. However, being in those relationships, I know what I want and the type of person I want to be with in my next one.
I could write about breaking up while having a baby together but still trying to see if the relationship can still work out with a flood under the bridge….but that blog is for another time when I have a few days of nothing to do but write…(haha, yeah right, like I have blocks of free time like that! LOL)
Take away: Date Date Date, Love Love Love, and if for some reason it doesn’t work out with someone, grieve, but you MUST pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and keep on walking down “Life”. I promise you WILL find your perfect fit.
